I feel like it’s been awhile since I’ve given you a life update so I thought I’d use today’s post to do so. I’ll preface this with I don’t actually drink coffee (I’m a chai tea girl), and I’m writing this in my pjs in bed with a glass of white wine – I’m still trying to make #whitewineemoji a thing. Pretty far from this outfit, especially the faux leather jacket, that makes me feel way cooler than I am.
As I was scrolling through Facebook, this article on grief appeared in my feed, and it came at a perfect time. Just in case you haven’t read this post or this post, 2016 was a tough year for my family. This drawing especially resonated with me, and I think it’s important to remember that everyone is carrying something different and that they carry it differently. And while I use this blog and social media (they’re my happy spaces) to primarily talk about lighthearted things like fashion and weddings, behind-the-scenes, I feel like a hot-mess half the time…okay most of the time.
In under two weeks, our family is hosting a trivia night in memory of my brother. We have over 300 people coming and are completely overwhelmed in the best way possible with all of the love and support from our family and friends. We quickly learned that people have been looking for a way to help our family, and this is providing the perfect avenue for them. We’re a big game night family so this felt like the best way to honor Kev. It’s been a big undertaking, and my mom has done so much. She’s the one who is home every day so more of the to-dos land on her plate, and I find myself wishing I could be at home to help more. On top of all of that, she’s been battling cancer since 2013 and is still going through treatments. She is seriously the strongest woman I know.
Lately, I keep wishing for more time. More time to be a more supportive wife, daughter, sister, friend and colleague. I realize I can’t just get more time so I need to better manage my time and not be too hard of myself when I can’t be in five places at once. I’ve started to say no more (this article was a good reminder to do that) so I can prioritize the things that really matter to me. And, I’m trying to cut myself some slack. I’m only two months into my new job, we’re looking for our first home, and we’re navigating loss and illness. There is plenty going on right now.
Like I mentioned above, I may post images where I appear put together, but typically you can find me running late to a meeting, trying to organize five to-do lists and just doing my best to keep it together and take things one day at a time. Random updates:
- When I go through family photos, I find myself smiling and remembering the fun moments as opposed to instantly losing it and not being able to look at more pictures of Kev.
- I still cry pretty often – what can I say? I’ve always been a cryer. Sometimes it’s over something really small or something that feels really big at the time. The other week, I thought I lost my small gold bracelet with my brother’s initials that was a gift from a dear friend , and I almost lost it in a work meeting. I was trying to keep my cool and may or may not have needed a trip to the bathroom to collect myself. Thankfully, Bill found it on the stairs at home.
- I have moments where I get mad for no reason or more so than usual, and if I’m about to snap at someone who didn’t do anything or who might not completely deserve it, I politely remove myself from the situation.
- I’m extra sensitive to music. We played this song at the funeral, and it still stops me in my tracks every time I hear it.
- I only like to watch chick flicks (you bet I record every Hallmark movie). My TV time is also my time to escape reality. Based on people’s tweets, I think I would completely lose it during every episode of This is Us. Not interested in that right now. I’ll take the love story that I can predict every.single.time.
I have a lot of fun ideas in the works for Fifth & Rose, and I like to think I know what I need to do to grow and partner with brands (coming from the agency and now corporate side, I work with influencers regularly). The thing is, I don’t want to sacrifice time that should be spent with Bill, my family and friends because well, frankly they’re just more important. I’m embarrassed to admit that I spent over 30 minutes on Sunday trying to decide what photo I should share next on Instagram while trying to keep my feed and aesthetic consistent and then was like, “WHAT AM I DOING?” I should be working on something else and cross some items off my to-do list that overwhelms me on top of everything else. I opted not to post if it was going to take that much time, and I got organized for a new week. Then, I went through old family photos and watched our wedding video (and cried happy tears). I didn’t post on social, and I didn’t prep a post for Monday. And that’s okay.
This post is getting long. Moral of the story? Be kind to yourself and others. We only have so much time in the day – say no and spend time with the ones you love. Give yourself a break. Remember everyone is carrying something different. There is plenty going on behind the screen.
Oh, and in case you do want to know about the clothes (because I like talking about pretty stuff too!), this outfit combines all of my old favorites. I’m trying to rework a lot of the items in my closet because we’re saving for a house, and the thought of putting money towards a pretty kitchen as opposed to another pair of shoes is totally worth it.
This faux leather jacket was a bit out of my comfort zone, but I’m so glad I bought it. I especially like to pair it with some of my more classic pieces to dress them down a bit. As I mentioned above, it also just makes me feel ‘cool’. That’s the thing about personal style – I love that it can give you some extra confidence.
Cheers to a new day, friends!
Get the look: Topshop Jacket (last seen here) / Ann Taylor Sleeveless Sweater (old, very similar top here) / Banana Republic Boyfriend Jeans (old, similar pair here and here) / Banana Republic Pumps (sold out but worth stalking – they are the most comfortable shoes!) / Clare V Bag (love the smaller version too)
Sending lots of love your way. Losing a sibling is so so difficult…and it does come in waves. Game night sounds like such a wonderful way to celebrate his life and memory. XO
Thank you so much, Natasha and for your continued love and support. xoxo
Love you lots lady (and think of you often!)!
PS -reading about your wedding video made me think of some pretty memorable outtakes 😉
Thank you so much, Erin! The outtakes still make me laugh every time I watch them 😉
Thinking of you during this time. Sounds like you are naturally still going through some depression. For what it’s worth, meditation has helped me immensely and only sharing on social media/ my blog when I feel centered and in alignment.
Thank you for your vulnerability by the way..
Love you and cheering for you always.
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